The End of Alcor: Resurrection
by Dildeto
Summary: Alcor was known for being easier on children during deals. But could this prove to be his undoing after he is summoned by a group of kids in a quiet little mountain town? (Gravity Falls Transcendence AU)
1. The Summoning

The five boys were gathered around a makeshift demon summoning circle when Stan finally decided to speak up.

"Are we really going to summon a demon just to get out of reading The Scarlet Letter?"

Kyle turned to him. "Gideon said that this demon helped him before, and he seems like a real psychic. Besides, it's a relatively small task, so we won't have to pay too much."

"Pay? What the fuck? Nobody told me we had to give anything in return!" Cartman yelled.

Before anyone could respond, Cartman's mom peeked down the stairs at the group. "Do you boys need any snacks or anything?"

"NOT NOW MOM! WE'RE SUMMONING A FUCKING DEMON SO WE DON'T HAVE TO READ THE GODDAMN SCARLET LETTER!"

"Okay sweetie, you kids have fun. Let me know if you need anything."

With that, the door closed, and they resumed the summoning preparation. Gideon finally lit the candles around the circle and stepped back with the other kids, declaring it ready. He began reading the necessary chants to summon Bill Cipher. The room darkened and smoke billowed around the circle.

"Wͩ̄ͩ̄͆̅̚҉̶̠͈̥͎̦h̡̻̭̘̎ͣ̏̈̓ͮ̀͜o̴̗̫̘̙̿̈̋͡ ̸͐̀ͧ͂̍ͮ̎̐҉̠͚̞d̝̹̩̠̬̻̽̋͐̓̊̊͜͞ą̡̼͓̝̀ͨ̓̍̌̉͐ͭ̍r̩̭̫͕̱̬ͧ̋̆ͥ͗͑̍̊ͨ͘ȩ̲̝̹̅̈ͣ̆̾̓̔ͩ̀͞ş̷͙͕̭͔͙̳̯̼͆̄͜ͅ ̷̫̰͚͕̦̑́̀́s̜̟͓̲̭̯͎̒ͬͥ̂ͣͦͩu̴̡͓̦̥̽ͦm̡̗̺̗̦̪͓ͯͧ͢ͅm̵͙̠̻̱̲̜̐̂̓̋̊ͯ͞ͅȍ̷̥͎͎̙̣ͫͫ̍n̛̬̩̜ͭ͐͝ ̸̠̲̟̌̽̎ͦͅ-̸͔͍͔̠̼̙̝̳̻͊̇̾ͤ́̚͠"

The figure in the circle was cut off by the sight of the children. Children… the one group he was always easier on. And what a beautiful gathering of kids this was. The smoke cleared and revealed a much more humanoid figure than expected. Gideon was the only one surprised. "What is going on? I thought I set everything up for Bill Cipher! Who are you?"

Alcor was shocked to see Gideon here, so far from Oregon. He decided it would be best to not acknowledge this since if he were recognized, then Gideon could control him using his real name. He went on in a softer, less demonic voice. "Bill is no longer around. I am Alcor, and I can do deals for you in his place. What is it that you summoned me for, children?"

It was Kyle that answered this time, gesturing towards the pile of snacks in the corner. "We have offerings of all these Cheesy Poofs –"

Kyle was cut off as Cartman ran up towards him and got all up in his business. "YOU SAID THOSE WERE FOR SNACKS! I'm not giving up my Cheesy Poofs to this butthole!"

"But Cartman, if you don't, then we'll have to read The Scarlet Letter! Don't you understand that book is going to suck?!" Stan replied.

Kyle agreed, since he just knew that The Scarlet Letter would absolutely suck donkey balls. Nobody in their right mind would read such a book. "Yeah, shut up and give him the Cheesy Poofs fatass, I don't want to rea-"

"I AM NOT FAT YOU FUCKING JEW!"

Alcor was watching with amusement until he heard that last word. Having been a Jew while still human, he took offense at Cartman's negative implications about them. "D̮͎̠͕͖͟o̫̦̟̯̕ͅ y̝̬̥̠͘o̻͕̘͙̲͚͍͢u̶͔̯͉͎͇̥ ̕h̡̘̪̼͉̯͔̭a͡v̤̻̹e̝͈͉͓̖̞̮͞ ̷̲̱̫̹ą ̸̮̳p͙̺̦r̩͎͉o̙̯̤̣̱̮͕͠b̶̲l̢̰͇͎͉͕em̵ w̼͞i͟t̮h̩̰̗̥̬̞̬ ̤̠̘̯J̯̻͖̱͓͜e̵͓̺͖̥w̸̯̥̖͓͍̥s̶̺̯͉̫͚,̘̭ ̖͕̳̫l̜̭͉̠̖̳í̳t͏͍̞͈t̴͔͕̦̯̠͙̬l͔e̻͕̺ b͖̗oy͔̟?̗͓̦̻͞"

"You bet I fuckin' do! Cheap Jews like Kyle need to be EXTERMINATED!"

This response surprised Alcor. Despite being a fledgling demon, he had seen his share of insane cultists during summonings, but this boy was on a different level. Unfortunately for Alcor, Cartman continued.

"Why does that bother you? Are you a fuckin' Jew too? That would make sense, considering how much shit you need in return for deals!"

Alcor was unable to hide the shame on his face. He thought of Mabel, Grunkle Stan, his parents – his family… all Jewish as well. Grunkle Stan was also cheap. He failed to prevent a shimmering, golden tear from streaming down his face. The tear did not go unnoticed by Cartman, but the worst part was the recognition that flashed across Gideon's face. "You! You're Dipper Pines! But how? Doesn't matter! I know your true name, so you are at my mercy!" He began pointing and laughing at Alcor really, really hard, to the point he peed his pants a little bit.

While Gideon was having his little moment, Cartman decided he needed to consume the tears of unfathomable sadness. He climbed up onto Alcor's lap and began eagerly lapping up his now freely flowing tears with his tongue.

Alcor felt his power seeping out of him due to the combination of his nemesis Gideon using his real name, and since a lot of his energy was leaving through his tears. This was a situation he never could have prepared for, and it was proving to be his undoing. His form faded away with the last of his tears, his power going right into Cartman.

Everyone stood there shocked, and then Kyle looked pretty pissed off. "Good going fatasses, you ruined our only hope of not having to read that faggy novel!"

As always, calling Cartman fat was a big mistake, but this time it could not be a more severe one. "S̳͎͙̬̩͚̮ͤ̌̐̚͟T͖͈̣͓̒͋͂́̋́O͈̽ͨͤͮ͝P̰̰ ͂͛̿͂́C̤͎̕AL̛͙͍̒͗ͮͥ̒L͈̘̣̫̖͈͒ͩͯͪ͆ͅIN̴̹̙̮̖̖͇G͉̜̎ ̙͈̣̲̦͉̺ͥͯ͜M̩̲̹E̘̙̙͒͑ͣ̎̌̚ ̠͕͍͚̱̞͔ͯ̋͛̕F̳̬͎̏͐A̝͖̱ͭͨ̇͗̀̊̀͜T̤̬͙͙̗̯͒ͥ̈ͤ̄͠ ̈́̾̽̌ͦ̆Ý͗ͯ͋͛ͪͭO͍̥̬̤̻̫ͯͮ̚U̠̮̱͛̀ ̨̻̦̋͛ͅS̗͓ͤ͋̉̀T̤͓U̥̼̍ͩ̅ͣ̓P͕̣͉̙̮̦̳I̓͛̿ͮ͏̳͈̮͇̥D͇̟̼̠͕̻͑̀̒̈̆̉̏ ̧̞̝̫̦̜͛ͬ͌͑̏̃̄J̜̳ͯ̊̀ͧ̚E̡̖̝̜͉̟̥͙̽̂W̠̃̿͗̊̋̄!̀̋ͩͤ͗̎̚͡!̭̩̲̣̭!̟̞̜" The walls shook with his voice and he was floating in the air, causing everyone to take an unsteady step back. "You ͢guys͏! ̶M̡y ͏vo̧iće͟ sounds̀ ́sơ c̶o̵ol̛ n͡o̶w!"

Gideon, having the most experience with the supernatural, figured it out first. "You… you absorbed his powers! Do you know how to use them yet?"

"N͡o,̴ an̕d̛ m̸y͠ a̡ss it͘ćhęs. ̀I͢ mi͞gh̡t̷ ͘a̢c͘c̸ìd͠e̢nta͠ļly ̕unle҉ash ͞th҉e̷ ͜p͢ļa̶g̴u͡e̡ u͟nl̷ess͘ ̴K͞yle ̛scr͢a͢t̛cḩes ̧i̵t̡ f̨or͝ me͝."

Kyle's face scrunched up in disgust, but Cartman's new black and gold eyes unnerved him to no end so he went to obey… and promptly got farted on. "GODDAMN IT CARTMAN!"

With this all going on, nobody noticed the repeated thudding sound coming from outside.

Cartman started laughing hard enough to double him over. "Oh ma̢n,͞ ҉be̕i̛ng̢ a͞ ͝demon̛ is̷ awe̕so͢m̵ȩ! I̡ ͢c̷ould d̕o̕ ̴th̢i̴s ̴a̡ll͠ day̴!͠ " After his laughter subsided, he came to a grave realization. "H̶ow d̛id ̢I k̛n̴o̧w̨ ͡I wa̢s a ̶dęmon?͢ ͡ÓH̴ MY ́GOD͡ YO̧U ͠GU̶Y̧S̨,̢ ͠I ͡TH̛I̸N͘K҉ ̵I ̀KNO͞W ͝EVER̨YTH͟ING̵ ̵NOẀ!̢!"

"What? How is this possible?" Stan inquired.

"I do̧n͜'t ̷kno͘w! I ̀juşt thi͡nk̸ ab̸ou̶t͟ som̶et͡hin͞g͏ an͜d͘ s̶ud̨d͢en͝ly I kn̶ow ͝àll ábou̢t̨ i̸t̨!͠"

At that moment, something loudly splatted against the basement window.

"Mppphhhh mmppphhhh mmm?" Kenny asked.

Stan nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we should go see what's been happening outside…"


	2. It's Raining Men, Hallelujah

When the boys got outside, it took no time to figure out what was going on. Residents panicked in the streets as fetus after aborted fetus rained from the sky. They each hit the ground with a sickening splatter, littering the ground with chunks of flesh. Gideon had been away from his hometown of South Park for too long, and was less accustomed to this flavor of weirdness that Gravity Falls just didn't offer. He didn't handle the sight well, bending over and vomiting behind a nearby bush.

The other boys were less moved by the gruesome sight, especially after living through that incident at the abortion clinic in 2014. Cartman was the only one visibly excited about the whole thing.

"L̛ook̵ ̸wh̡a̴t ͝I ̴did̛ yo͟u g̸u̢y͟s̛! Ima̷gin͠e̢ h̛o̢w̛ m͞úch m̵o҉ney I͏ ̛co҉u͜l͏d͢ ̧m̵ake̶ ͠of̕f ̧t̵his m͜any a͠b҉or̵t͘ed̕ f͘e̕t͢u̸s̛es!͢ And͠ t͞h̀e̴n I ́cou̴ļd ̸eli͝m̴i̡na͏te the ͘h̷ípp̛i͡e̷s͟ an͞d̢ Jew͝s ̀w͝i҉th t̵h̸is͡ ͏p҉owe̕r!͝!̵"

Gideon pinched the bridge of his nose. "You don't need money anymore! And you could just conjure up some anyway with your new powers." He chose not to respond to that last part about elimination of hippies and Jews. Just then, a fetus landed directly on his head and splattered all over him, getting blood and partially developed organs stuck in his hair. "And would you PLEASE make this stop!"

Cartman was ignoring him while scraping fetuses off the ground and into a pile, to make it easy to gather up and sell. Soon the unborn babies ceased falling, and everyone else was visibly relieved.

This behavior disgusted and perplexed Gideon. "Who are you even going to sell that to anyway?"

Cartman turned towards him, smirking. "Stem cell research is an ongoing issue, Gideon. Also, that big slut Tom Nook will buy anything."

Suddenly, Cartman looked confused. "WHAT THE FUCK IS –"

Everyone vanished in a puff of smoke.

* * *

Mabel stood next to a summoning circle looking all concerned and shit. "Bro-bro, is everything okay? You got that weird summon and then didn't come back and…" Her voice trailed off when she noticed who she was looking at. "Did you gain weight, Dipper? How is that even possible?"

"Y̵ou fuc̨ki͜ńg͏ ̕b͡it̸çh!̨ ́I͠ a̕m ͡B͡IG BONED!̧!͞!͘ W̴H̡O E͟V̢EN̵ A͝RE͘ Y̶OƯ,͟ Y͘OU F̨U̧C͟K͟I͘N͝G W͏HO̷R҉E̷?!" Cartman felt Alcor's strong emotional bond with this girl through Alcor's memories that were so prominently in his mind after absorbing his powers. He decided his new course of action would be to ruin the lives of those close to that stupid asshole demon.

Mabel was standing there nearly in tears. "You're not…Dipper…" It was then that she noticed Gideon hanging out in the corner. She let out a small horrified gasp. This was not her day.

Gideon walked towards her with open arms. "Mabel, my sweet lil' dumplin'! Long time no see!"

Mabel squared up to Gideon. "Why are you even here, Gideon?! And what is in your hair?"

Gideon shrugged and slicked back his hair with his hand, getting lumps of fetus meat deeper intermingled in his hair. "I don't know, dearest Mabel. We just got teleported here along with your new brother. He's a lot cooler than your sweaty old brother."

Mabel clenched her fists. "This is NOT my brother! Do you care to explain what is going on to me?!"

Cartman didn't have time for petty lover's quarrels. "WILL Y҉OU TWO ̶SH̨U͘T T͘H̷E ̴F͡UCK̡ ̶U̡P?͞! ̕Í'͞M̕ H̡E҉ŔE T̡O͢ KI̧C͘K͏ ͜HE͝R A͘SS!̶!"

Gideon was having none of this. "Can you leave my darlin' Mabel for last? Surely there is someone else you could terrorize first."

Cartman wasn't one to take suggestions from annoying midgets, but he agreed after taking a very brief peek into Alcor's memories. He was met with a vision of a disgusting ginger girl that Alcor once harbored icky feelings towards. Realizing he had the power to teleport, he blipped out of the Mystery Shack and over to Wendy's house.

* * *

Wendy was home alone trying to read her favorite novel, The Scarlet Letter, when a mysterious fat boy appeared in the room. She put down the book, confused. "Dipper? Dude, you are looking well-fed. How have you been?"

"G̢od̛, ͞why ͘i̕s ́e͏ve̡r͞y͝òn̵e̶ n̕amed ̧W͡ęņd͞y a͜ ma͢ssiv́e bitc̴h̀?"

Wendy never heard Dipper swear before. Why was it directed at her? "Excuse me?"

"YOU̢R ̸R͜E͘IG̀N OF̶ TE̴R͞RO͡R͞ END҉S̢ H͏E҉R͢E, ̀G͘I̕NGE̢R͜ BI̴T͝C̴H͟!̢!̨!̧!"

Wendy finally figured out that this was not Dipper she was dealing with. But it was too late as she was being shoved in a small makeshift cage. She let out a scream and prepared to wait for someone to come save her. Little did she know how long she would have to be stuck there…

* * *

After Cartman's departure, the other three boys decided to step out and figure out who this girl was, where they were, and try to figure out a way to turn Cartman back to normal before he tried to exterminate all Jews and hippies.


	3. Final Battle

Having all the boring introductions out of the way, an emergency supernatural meeting was held. Gideon was sent packing after being beat up by Mabel and Stan. Stan was getting along a little too well with her and Gideon got jealous, prompting a beatdown. Little did either of them know that when Gideon got home, he succumbed to his boo-boos and died alone in the middle of his living room.

Soos and Grunkle Stan showed up eventually, but Wendy failed to answer her phone. Nobody thought anything of that, as she rarely shows up in these AU fics anyway. They all focused on the matter at hand: removing Cartman's new powers and seeing if that brought Alcor back.

Mabel tearfully held hands with Stan. Having found love in Mabel, he had formed a pretty solid plan in helping her get her brother back. "Do you guys remember that Christmas story Cartman told in class with the Antichrist and abortion?"

Kyle didn't want to remember, but he sure did. "Yeah, that fat bastard just wanted to rip on me for being Jewish!"

Stan nodded in agreement. "Right, but you remember how at the end, the mountain lions aborted the Antichrist right out of you, Kyle? Maybe that will work here. Life imitating art."

This idea was met with positive reception. Kenny decided to speak up. "Mpppffhhhh mmmmhhh mmfff…"

Stan was aware of this, however. "We may not have time to train mountain lions. But we do have new friends here that have more life experience than us and could possibly perform this procedure."

Mabel excitedly jumped up and down, ready to share her idea with the group. "Soos is really handy with everything! I bet he could do it!"

Everyone turned to Soos, who was standing proudly after being selected for such a monumental task. "Well one time I put a Hello Kitty bandaid on my knee after I fell down. I think I could handle giving a demonic abortion. Let's do this, doods!"

Everyone high-fived and began walking to the basement of the Mystery Shack to prepare a summoning circle and set things right.

* * *

It didn't take long to prepare a summoning circle as Mabel had done it many times before. But this time it was a risky operation they were going to undertake, so they had to add precautions. Extra binding circles and Jewish artifacts were strewn about the room. Cartman proved to be more powerful than Alcor on account of not being Jewish, and the longer they took to remove his powers, the more dangerous trying to would become.

Mabel was nervous for her brother's sake, but confident the plan would work. She cracked her knuckles. "I'm ready! Going to begin now." She began the Latin chant that would previously summon her brother. Soon enough, smoke appeared in the center of the circle and Cartman appeared.

"G̴ODDĄMN I͢T! H̵OW ARE ͢Y̨OU̢ AS̕S̛HO̶LE͘S͜ ͘DOI̶NG̛ ͏T͞H̢AT͏?!͢"

Soos slapped some rubber gloves on and grabbed the necessary tools. He was now prepared to do what he had to. "Ready doods!"

Everyone else made themselves useful by calling out Cartman's true name and keeping the binding circles intact. Kyle also threw a menorah at Cartman's face for good measure.

Cartman flinched, effectively stunned. "O̴U͠C̡H̸!̷ TH͠A͜T HU҉RTS ̀G̛OD̨D͘AM͢N͞ ͢IT͜!͝!̀!"

Soos now began to work. He plunged the syringe in, much to the discomfort of everyone in the room, especially Cartman.

"W͘HA̵T ͢ARE ̢YO͞Ù ͟D̸OIŅG ̛T͞O͜ ̡MY F̡U͟CK͜I͟N͟' BA͢L̸ĻS̢?͡!"

Now was the dilation. Soos took the metal rod and inserted it into Cartman's awaiting asshole, moving it around as needed.

"WHA̴T T̢HE FUCK͜ AR̸E ͏YOU EVE̵N TRYI͝N҉Ģ ҉T͢O͜ DO?̸ T͜HIS ͝I̴S FUC͘K͡IN̢' ͘G̷A͜Y!̶!̕!̕" Cartman found himself wishing they selected Kyle for the procedure, but shoved that thought aside. He was unable to suppress a pleasured moan when Soos moved the rod in a special spot.

Now, Soos was ready for the final step. "You know, this is kind of like that dating sim game I played." He turned on the vacuum thingy and moved it into place.

"DO͠N̢'T ͜S̡UC͝K ͜M̸Y ̨BA͞LLŚ!͟!͠!̵!̧!͜ ͜DOÒOO҉N̛'̢T ̶S̴U͜ÚUUCK̛ ̡MY BAAAL͜LL̡LS̨SS̴!̡!" For the first time since his transformation, Cartman felt fear.

After vacuuming for what felt like a decade, Soos turned off the machine. He wasn't pleased with the results. Nothing had happened. Exhausted mentally from the ordeal, Soos collapsed. He was dead on the spot.

A stern voice sounded from the doorway. "A noble effort, but not what you needed to do."

Everyone turned to see Stanford Pines watching from the stairs. He took a few steps into the room.

"This is not something that will work on a demon as powerful as Alcor. I do know how to do it, but…"

Mabel ran up to him, a pleading look in her eyes. "But what?! Please, we will do anything!"

Ford lowered his head so his glasses did the shiny anime thing, obscuring his eyes. "You will need to break the gentleman's code. It's the only way to get your brother back."

Everyone save for Mabel gasped. Noticing the confused look on Mabel's face, Grunkle Stan decided to explain to Mabel what that meant.

"Mabel, sweetie, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, and…"

"What does it mean, Grunkle Stan?"

Grunkle Stan looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact. "It means we have to fart on his balls."

The already tense atmosphere of the room intensified.

Stan decided to speak up next. "Who is going to be the one to do it?"

Mabel volunteered without hesitation. "I will do it. I just want to see my brother again…"

Stan was about to protest, but realized how much it meant to her. "Alright, just be careful. We will keep the binding circles intact, but they are starting to wear thin. Hurry and do it before the effects wear off."

Mabel gave a confident nod. As everyone else went to strengthen the bindings, she walked up to the circle. "See you soon, bro-bro."

"Aww̨, ̸c͜om̸e̛ o̶n͠, ser҉io̢uşly?̢" Cartman rolled his eyes at such stupid affection.

A tear streamed down Mabel's cheek as she turned around and hurriedly farted right on Cartman's balls. That was when everything changed.

"G̀ƠDD̡AMN̶ ̢IT ŅO!̕!̛!̶" Cartman's protests were in vain. The powers were ripped right out of him in a blinding flash, returning him to normal. Alcor was also brought back, but in a weakened state.

Kyle was enjoying their victory. "I hope you learned your lesson, fatass!"

"Stupid Jew, I got enough dirt on all of you from that whole infinite knowledge thing to have enough blackmail for the next million years! This is still going to be so awesome!"

Kyle decided to keep quiet for now. He was afraid for what the future held. He also wasn't sure how they were all going to get back home.

* * *

Once the boys were back at South Park, Cartman remembered the pile of fetuses he rounded up earlier. He was able to sell it for a hefty sum of money that he kept to himself. It was so awesome. Then Kyle died of AIDS two weeks later.


End file.
